nehraachargers | IC Inbox

I don't care about what I need, because I'm the one who ruined things between us. I'm the coward who couldn't admit how much I...

[He stops, because he doesn't want to sound like he's whining about how much he ruined things. Bull was there. He already knows, and turning this into a bunch of self talk just feels like using Bull even more.]

Stop talking about what I need, tell me what you need.

Edited 2019-07-23 22:55 (UTC)

[What he needs. How often has he actually been asked that in his life? Kind of surprising how he realizes it really isn't all that much actually. Not that it should be. He was raised Qunari.

Bull looks away, closes his eye.]

I need to help you. It feels worse thinking about anything else.

[Cyril pulls away his hand then, but it's only so he can support himself to sit up. Once he's sitting he reaches out and settles is hand on Bull's arm.]

Bull... [He starts, and he has to steel himself to say what he feels. He isn't sure that he'll be able to have the nerves to say this stuff with the Iris moon is gone. The way the moon affects him makes him more open with his emotions. He feels like he needs to take advantage of that while he can.]

You're always helping me. I don't deserve you. You should've have told me to fuck off two years ago.

Pretty sure that would make me a crappy friend and companion.

[Basically, no way is he going to tell him to fuck off. Not now, not ever. Well, not in that particular context anyway but that's a thought for another time.]

I swore myself to you. You have me as long as you will.

[Somehow, those words feel like a stab to the gut. He looks away from Bull, not able to duck his head down to hide his face without the antlers getting in the way. Knowing Bull is his doesn't help the feeling that he doesn't deserve him.

He takes a breath, his shoulders shaking a bit. His vision is blurry.]

I'm sorry. [He says, finally. His voice cracks a bit.

Cyril isn't someone who cries, and he's not crying now, but he feels somehow very close to it. His body and his emotions feel so wound tight.]

I'm sorry I couldn't say that we were together. I don't want to ever use you that way again, Bull.

[He looks back up at Bull again. His heart feels like it's being twisted up with wire.]

I love you.

[When you're trained to be a spy, you are trained to read people. The tiniest change in expression can mean something. The twinkle of an eye, the twist of a head, the shift of the hips.

Everything about Cyril says that he wants to wilt away and run. He wants to hide away but he knows he can't. In this moment, he's having to confront things about himself that he's never truly had the chance to.

In this moment, he's so painfully honest that the world falls away from them and Bull knows what the words are before Cyril says them. Or rather, he thinks he does.

Sometimes, a person can still surprise him. Someone can come along and they can say something or be something so entirely different from expectation that it catches him off guard. That's Cyril in this moment. So brutally honest with his feelings and so much more open with them than he's ever been. Those eyes want to cry despite the fact that they never shed tears.

No, he doesn't expect the words that come and it's written all over Bull's face as his eye widens and his mouth falls open.]

Boss...

[No. Not Boss.]

Cyril...

[He's at a loss for words. Something rare for him because words are one of his specialties. But the Inquisitor has done it. He's surprised him.]

[Cyril pulls his hand back again and crosses it over his chest. He looks away from Bull, focusing his gaze on the bed.

He feels completely exposed, but it has nothing to do with the fact that he's naked.]

I'm sorry. [He says again, assuming that Bull's surprise is because he doesn't feel the same.]

I don't need you to feel the same way. I know that I'm the one who ruined what we had before. I acted like it was frivolous when it wasn't. I treated you like you were some kind of toy, when you weren't.

I-I want you to know why I can't do treat you like that again. No matter what the moon is doing to me. I can't...

[One of those large hands comes up to rub over his own face. This is not where he expected this to go. Not in the slightest. And yet, he can't stop the smile that comes to his face as he leans forward to put his elbows on his knees.]

Looks like you can actually surprise me.

[There's a breath of a laugh and then he shakes his head.]

I always figured I'd never hear that and I'd just be fine with that. But here we are.

[Bull turns so he can look at him over his shoulder.]

You can use me though. You wanna know why? Never thought we'd get to this part but apparently we're here now.

[The laugh was not what he expected and the sound of it prompts Cyril to look at Bull again. He still feels emotionally worn and exposed, but at least he can focus on what Bull needs now.]

Why?

[He braces himself for whatever Bull says next.]

Never figured it out then.

[Bull shifts so he can face him more. How had they come to this? He doesn't have the slightest clue but here they are.]

But it looks like you're going soft on me. Still, I've always liked that about you and known you had it in you.

[He reaches out to cup his face.]

I love you too.

[Despite his trepidation, Cyril leans his face into the massive hand. He craves that kind of physical affection now more than ever.

The confirmation that Bull feels the same makes his breath catch in his throat. His heart feels like it's trying to flutter out of his chest.]

Bull...

[He starts to say something but cuts himself off. He feels like he could spend hours questioning how Bull could feel that way about him even after everything he had done to hurt him. It feels too good to be true and he desperately wants to turn off the part of his brain that says he doesn't deserve to be loved.]

That's right. Don't question it. Just let us have this moment and let me help you. The rest will still be there for us to figure out.

[Right now just the thought of Cyril being like this, so needy and without reprieve, is killing him.]

Let me give you what your body craves.

[Cyril takes a deep but shaky breath and then nods against Bull's hand.]

Please.

[Now that he can allow himself it, he is more open with how desperately he needs Bull.]

[That's all he needs. Grabbing hold of Cyril, he flips him right over unto his stomach and gives a sharp slap to his ass.]

Get those hips up.

[Though while he's at it, he's noticing how the Elf is...shockingly wet there. Like he doesn't need any prep at all. Just a giant dick in his ass. Maybe that shouldn't be so hot but here he is finding it just that.

Guess he's the one behind the times then. So, he decides to catch up by kicking his boots and pants off before getting in behind Cyril, a hand on his own cock so he can get it fully hard.]

Higher. I know you're more flexible than that, you slutty halla.

[Being called a slutty halla shouldn't make him whimper with desire, but it does. Being grabbed and pushed into a fuckable position always makes him desperate to be filled, but that particular phrase makes him feel as if he would do anything to have Bull's cock inside of him.

He arches his back and pushes his hips up with his legs spread. His body is completely ready, already wet and open, he just needs Bull with him now. He grabs a pillow to help support his upper body. Everything about how he positions his body is designed to give Bull easy access to his hole.]

[Grabbing one of those slender hips, he holds him still as he gets himself in behind Cyril before pushing his way inside of him. Intentionally slow as hell to drive him crazy. Bull knows he doesn't have to do much right now to manage that but he still has that itch to tease him just a little bit.

Even fully prepared that body is still as tight as ever around him and he groans as he feels that heat of it surround him. Settling there a moment, he puts his other hand on the other hip to have complete control over how much or little Cyril gets.

And then, he pulls almost all the way out of him before slamming right back into waiting body.]

[Another needy little whimper escapes Cyril as Bull slowly pushes in.] Bull... [He gasps out, a plea for him to stop teasing while at the same time he enjoys every slow moment of it.

Then he pulls out, and Cyril gasps with disappointment, until he slams back in and Cyril cries out with pleasure.

He can't even think to hold back the sounds he's making. All that matters is experiencing the pleasure of Bull using him.]

[The pace isn't fast at all but it is deep and hard. Bull holds nothing back as he continues to pound into Cyril, knowing how he craves having it faster but not giving it to him. No, he wants to hear him beg for it. To scream and shout how he wants more.

Because those sounds he makes. They're the most beautiful sounds he's heard in a long time. Sure it's probably the sentimentality of them just having confessed to each other but that's fine. They don't need to worry about that.

He just wants to enjoy this even as he helps Cyril.]

[The slow, deep thrusts are good for a while. Cyril lets himself enjoy the way it feels to have Bull pull and push against him as they fuck slowly.

But, eventually, just as Bull knows, it doesn't feel like enough. The heat has made his entire body desperate for the brutal pace he knows Bull can accomplish.]

Ah! Bull. Please. [He tries to thrust back into Bull to get him to start moving faster, but Bull's hands on his hips stop him from being able to do more than wiggle against Bull's cock.]

Faster. Please. Fuck me faster.

I was wondering how long it'd take before you said that.

[Turns out not long at all. Honestly that suits him fine as he grabs his hips tighter so he can properly deliver that brutal pace. A pounding that is both hard and fast. Most can't handle it but he's always known that Cyril can. Sometimes he even debates whether or not he can keep up himself.

Damn is that stamina and eagerness sexy though.]

There. Take it.

[Cyril cries out with pure pleasure as Bull starts using him more thoroughly.]

Yes. [He tries to push back into Bull again, but still Bull's hands on him keep him under control. He'll probably end up bruisng with how much he's pressing against Bull's hands.

Not that he minds being marked by Bull at all.]

[It wouldn't be the first time Cyril was bruised from one of their encounters. Not with how needy he gets as he's pushed through these brutal paces. Then again, Bull remembers how satisfying it could be to know those marks were there later

And to know the difficulty he had sitting in those hard chairs. Chairs are softer here and yet...

Finding a faster pace, he yanks those hips back every time he thrusts forward so he can really pound into him.]

Let the building hear it. Tell them how bad you want it.

[Cyril lets himself scream. Every Iris moon, he's been ignoring the effects the moon has at him, locking himself up and denying the need that had been driving him mad. It had been awful. Finally, he gets the release his body has been craving.]

[There's something beautiful about helping someone find the release they need. In this case, Cyril has been holding himself back here this entire time during the Iris moon and it shows. Now he's able to help him get that all out and he keeps on pounding him even after Cyril has already come. He doesn't give him time to come down from the high, pushing him right through it so he can't go possibly go limp yet.]

Not yet. You're not done yet.

[Cyril cries out but doesn't complain. He wants to ride out whatever Bull does to him, wants to give everything to the man he loves.]

Yes, sir. [He mumbles, his voice strained from all of the yelling.]

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