nehraachargers | IC Inbox

[When the Iris moon starts, Cyril pretty much stays in his apartment. During the thick of it, though, he reaches out to Bull over text. He might be next door, but the 'not leaving your apartment' means even to go next door.]

Bull - I have a strange question.

[That's not a message he's expecting to get. Bull looks over from where he's been maintaining his maul and then shoots a message back.]

Sure, Boss. What is it?

Edited 2019-07-23 21:21 (UTC)

Is it common for Qunari to get headaches from the weight of their horns?

Or do you have stronger neck muscles that stop that?

[Excuse him a moment while he laughs a bit.]

They're pretty heavy when you're younger. Don't have the muscle to support them. But then you get used to it. What brought this on?

[It takes a second for Cyril to respond, but when he does it with an image of himself. He's showing off a set of white antlers. It's clear that he's in bed and has pillows propping up his neck and head so that the antlers don't tear the sheets.

The angle is very carefully plotted to not show much of his face, but the hair along the top of his forehead is wet with sweat.]

My Moonblessing.

[Cyril is just showing him the antlers but Bull isn't looking at those. He's looking at the sweat and how it dampens the hair. How Cyril is still in bed right now. Setting his maul down, he immediately starts to head for the door. He's on his way over now but he doesn't plan on letting Cyril try to stop him. So, he just doesn't tell him he's walking over.

Nope. He just sends a text back. Business as usual.]

Nice rack.

Happy you approve. [He sends a wink-emote because he gets a kick out of those.]

At least they remind me of halla.

Neither of those things help with the headache though.

Yeah. Your neck wouldn't have built up the muscle for those things yet.

[And he slips into Cyril's place and starts walking towards the bedroom. When he gets there, he opens the door and leans against the from with that one visible brow lifted.]

Looks like the blessing gave you other things to deal with too.

[Namely the fact that he looks aroused as hell and ready for a good fucking.]

[Cyril's heat has driven him to stay in bed. He's naked, sweaty, and flushed. When Bull opens his door he starts, grabbing a sheet, but when he realizes its Bull he groans and flops back down on the bed.

He is the one who gave Bull a key and permission to come to his apartment whenever. If he had thought ahead he would have said 'whenever except during the Iris moon.'

He doesn't like the way the moon makes him needy and desperate. The antlers don't bother him, except for the headache and neck pain, but the way his body lubricates itself and begs to have something inside of it is troubling.

He likes sex. He likes being fucked. But he wants to have control of when and where. He doesn't want the moon to control him.

With Bull in the room looking at him like that, his whole body wants to reach out, to welcome him into his bed, but he stubbornly resists.

Usually, when Cyril is turned on he leans into. He acts coy or playful or even demanding. Now he just seems miserable and shaky.]

Bull! You nearly frightened me to death.

Yeah. Probably because you were going to tell me to not come over.

[Pushing away from the frame, he heads over to him. Is this what the Iris moon does to people? Shit. Sighing, he sits down on the bed with Cyril.]

So this is like a few days ago when I wanted to screw anything that moved. Seems like now you want to be screwed by anything that moves. Did I get that right?

[Cyril doesn't have to confirm. He can tell.]

Hn. [Cyril doesn't feel the need to respond much more than an affirmative groan, because he knows Bull can tell without him saying it.

As Bull sits down on his bed he curls up his body a bit, shifting to be closer to him.]

You need me, Boss. You can ask for my help. I'm here for you.

[He means that too. And not just because Cyril was there for him when during his moonblessing issues. It's because this is...Cyril. That's all that matters.]

[Cyril's face falls and he whimpers softly. Everything in his body is telling him to take Bull on that, to beg him for help. But the thought of giving in and doing that breaks his heart into pieces. That pain is briefly displayed across his expression.

He doesn't want to use Bull that way. It had been different when he was helping Bull, because that was what Bull needed. If it's Bull helping him though?

He's the one that ruined their relationship. He's the one who had been using Bull two years ago and then couldn't bring himself to confirm that it was real in front of his advisers. He's the one who made Bull break it off with his actions.

If he uses Bull for release now, it makes all of that so much worse. It's a repeat of all the ways he had been terrible to someone he cared about so much.]

I can't... I can't do that to you Bull. I can't...

[He reaches up and rubs his eyes, trying to clear his head to get a least some the reasons behind his hesitation across.]

It's not fair to you.

[He knows where Cyril is coming from with this. He does. More than most people ever will, he gets it. Bull watches him and sees how his entire expression falls, how the weight of this decision weighs on his shoulders.

And yet, Bull doesn't back down. He catches one of those hands in this own.]

Yes, you can. You need this out of your system for awhile and I know your body better than anyone here.

[That large hand of his cradles the one that he's holding. It breaks him to have to do this. To have to convince Cyril to break with him. It's perhaps a cruel thing to do right now but that body of his...

Sometimes, he knows he has to do the cruelest things of all to help the ones he cares about. It's never easy. It never will be.

Bull looks right at him.]

Forget about what is fair. Forget about what is right. Use me for some relief. I want you to.

Yes, of course you do, because that's the kind of man you are, Bull.

[He doesn't pull away from Bull. He doesn't take his hand back. Instead he just looks up at Bull with a desperate expression.]

And we both know that's why I would have told you not to come over. Because I don't want to use you that way again. I need... [This is difficult to say and it's so much worse while his body is shouting at him to stop talking and climb up on Bull's lap.]

I need you to know that you mean more to me than that.

Hey, we have to do what we have to do for the ones that matter right?

[That he's doing this to Cyril kills him. Just like it killed him when he asked him for help a few days ago. And yet...

Great as this place is, it's so full of crap sometimes.]

You're that person. So I didn't ask if you wanted me to come. Because you need me here and not back next door.

I don't care about what I need, because I'm the one who ruined things between us. I'm the coward who couldn't admit how much I...

[He stops, because he doesn't want to sound like he's whining about how much he ruined things. Bull was there. He already knows, and turning this into a bunch of self talk just feels like using Bull even more.]

Stop talking about what I need, tell me what you need.

Edited 2019-07-23 22:55 (UTC)

[What he needs. How often has he actually been asked that in his life? Kind of surprising how he realizes it really isn't all that much actually. Not that it should be. He was raised Qunari.

Bull looks away, closes his eye.]

I need to help you. It feels worse thinking about anything else.

[Cyril pulls away his hand then, but it's only so he can support himself to sit up. Once he's sitting he reaches out and settles is hand on Bull's arm.]

Bull... [He starts, and he has to steel himself to say what he feels. He isn't sure that he'll be able to have the nerves to say this stuff with the Iris moon is gone. The way the moon affects him makes him more open with his emotions. He feels like he needs to take advantage of that while he can.]

You're always helping me. I don't deserve you. You should've have told me to fuck off two years ago.

Pretty sure that would make me a crappy friend and companion.

[Basically, no way is he going to tell him to fuck off. Not now, not ever. Well, not in that particular context anyway but that's a thought for another time.]

I swore myself to you. You have me as long as you will.

[Somehow, those words feel like a stab to the gut. He looks away from Bull, not able to duck his head down to hide his face without the antlers getting in the way. Knowing Bull is his doesn't help the feeling that he doesn't deserve him.

He takes a breath, his shoulders shaking a bit. His vision is blurry.]

I'm sorry. [He says, finally. His voice cracks a bit.

Cyril isn't someone who cries, and he's not crying now, but he feels somehow very close to it. His body and his emotions feel so wound tight.]

I'm sorry I couldn't say that we were together. I don't want to ever use you that way again, Bull.

[He looks back up at Bull again. His heart feels like it's being twisted up with wire.]

I love you.

[When you're trained to be a spy, you are trained to read people. The tiniest change in expression can mean something. The twinkle of an eye, the twist of a head, the shift of the hips.

Everything about Cyril says that he wants to wilt away and run. He wants to hide away but he knows he can't. In this moment, he's having to confront things about himself that he's never truly had the chance to.

In this moment, he's so painfully honest that the world falls away from them and Bull knows what the words are before Cyril says them. Or rather, he thinks he does.

Sometimes, a person can still surprise him. Someone can come along and they can say something or be something so entirely different from expectation that it catches him off guard. That's Cyril in this moment. So brutally honest with his feelings and so much more open with them than he's ever been. Those eyes want to cry despite the fact that they never shed tears.

No, he doesn't expect the words that come and it's written all over Bull's face as his eye widens and his mouth falls open.]

Boss...

[No. Not Boss.]

Cyril...

[He's at a loss for words. Something rare for him because words are one of his specialties. But the Inquisitor has done it. He's surprised him.]

[Cyril pulls his hand back again and crosses it over his chest. He looks away from Bull, focusing his gaze on the bed.

He feels completely exposed, but it has nothing to do with the fact that he's naked.]

I'm sorry. [He says again, assuming that Bull's surprise is because he doesn't feel the same.]

I don't need you to feel the same way. I know that I'm the one who ruined what we had before. I acted like it was frivolous when it wasn't. I treated you like you were some kind of toy, when you weren't.

I-I want you to know why I can't do treat you like that again. No matter what the moon is doing to me. I can't...

[One of those large hands comes up to rub over his own face. This is not where he expected this to go. Not in the slightest. And yet, he can't stop the smile that comes to his face as he leans forward to put his elbows on his knees.]

Looks like you can actually surprise me.

[There's a breath of a laugh and then he shakes his head.]

I always figured I'd never hear that and I'd just be fine with that. But here we are.

[Bull turns so he can look at him over his shoulder.]

You can use me though. You wanna know why? Never thought we'd get to this part but apparently we're here now.

[The laugh was not what he expected and the sound of it prompts Cyril to look at Bull again. He still feels emotionally worn and exposed, but at least he can focus on what Bull needs now.]

Why?

[He braces himself for whatever Bull says next.]

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